It’s time, all-important listeners, for episode two! When last we left off, our brave band of heroes were dining in “The Leaky Stein”, the best inn in the empire located in the city of Auvendale. Frank’s fates this episode have him getting to know the group a little better, and Frank can think of no better way than… team-building exercises?!? As war and fears spread through the city and castle, things that are odd are always suspicious, and nothing in the city is odder than Frank! Can the heroes get out of there with their freedom?!?

Constance by Kevin MacLeod
Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/3541-constance
License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

The Chamber by Kevin MacLeod
Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/4486-the-chamber
License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Oppressive Gloom by Kevin MacLeod
Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/4174-oppressive-gloom
License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Marty Gots A Plan by Kevin MacLeod
Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/4992-marty-gots-a-plan
License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

All other music is from https://www.tabletopaudio.com/

Episode Two Script

NARRATOR: Welcome back to “Let’s Be Frank”, a storytelling podcast about an ordinary man that finds himself in extraordinary circumstances. It’s also a story where you, yes you, the all important listener, get the opportunity to be one of the fates that directs Frank’s actions and decisions.When last we left, our group of heroes were dining in “The Leaky Stein” in the corrupt kingdom of Auvendale. What happens next? The majority of replies decided the group should get to know one another more so that they can work together better. So Frank, taking a long drink form his stein, looked the group over and said…

FRANK: All right, guys. Time for some team building.

ALRIC: Team building?

YAWANA: What’s that?

FRANK: It’s an exercise where everyone gets to know each other better.

YAWANA: That’s not what we call it…

FRANK: No, not like that. I mean… here.

NARRATOR: Frank reached across the table and retrieving an unused utensil, held it up before him.

FRANK: This spoon is now the Talking Stick. I will pass it to the person next to me. Then they can tell us a little about themselves and when they’re done, they’ll pass it to the next person. Only the person holding the spoon can speak.

TALANA: Is it magic?

MOG: Me still hear Talana, but Frank hold spoon…

YAWANA: Obviously, it’s broken.

ALRIC: Typical.

FRANK: No, no, it’s not magic or anything like that. You’re just not supposed to talk unless you have it.

NARRATOR: Frank then handed the spoon to Talana, seated to his right. The longer Talana held the spoon, the more red her face became.

ALRIC: Good luck with that.

NARRATOR: Talana quickly tossed the spoon to Mog, accidentally bypassing Yawana in the process.

YAWANA: Hey, isn’t it-

MOG: Mog have spoon. You no speak.

NARRATOR: Yawana pouted a bit and settled back into her chair.

MOG: Mog shaman for his tribe, follower of Ashinorundoo. Mog also fierce warrior!

ALRIC: Barbari- (smack) OW!

MOG: Mog… have… spoon.

NARRATOR: Alric held up his hands in mock surrender before sitting back, nursing his stinging lips.

MOG: Mog also… acupuncture healing therapist.

NARRATOR: Mog then passed the spoon to Alric, who then stood to speak.

ALRIC: I am Prince Alric Eggund, second son to the late King Erron Eggund. I am trained in seven different forms of sword and hand-to-hand combat. I am also widely known as quite the ladies man.

MOG: Heh, Alric Ladyman…

ALRIC: Mog, I have the spoon…

MOG: Had too long.

NARRATOR: Mog then plucked the spoon from Alric’s hand and handed it back to Frank.

FRANK: Well, my name is Frank. I’m an accountant, I have a cat at home named Baelzebub, and I’m not crying… I’m just allergic to most kinds of pollen and mold. That’s why my eyes are watering ad my nose is running.

NARRATOR: Frank then passed the spoon over to Yawana, who had been skipped earlier.

YAWANA: All right! Where do I start? I was born into royalty, but smuggled away at the last minute when my father’s kingdom fell under the vicious attack of a foreign, insane warlord. When my guardian, my mother’s handmaiden, died, I was forced onto the streets of a sea-side port city to survive.

ALRIC: “Myrrianne of the Rose”

YAWANA: Come again?

ALRIC: That’s the title of the story which you are claiming to be living your past through-

YAWANA: Oh, I knew I’d heard that somewhere before…

MOG: Mog like stories.

FRANK: I think you’re missing the whole point of this-

YAWANA: Hey! I have the spoon! No talking while I have the spoon of talking stickies!

ALRIC: Yawana, where exactly is the spoon?

NARRATOR: Everyone then realized the spoon was no longer visible and Yawana’s hands were under the table.

YAWANA: Trust me, guys. I’ve got it.

ALRIC: Oh, gods… Why is it always like this?

MOG: Mog no get it. No understand.

FRANK: Wait… what? You don’t mean..

TALANA: (giggles) Eew—

NARRATOR: Suddenly, the air outside the inn was filled with the sounds trumpets. Almost everyone in the inn began making their way outside.

YAWANA: Are the soldiers coming back?

Sound of spoon hitting stone floor.

ALRIC: No, that particular fanfare is used to announce the coming of an announcement from the King himself. It would seem he is preparing to address the people. We should go.

MOG: Agreed. Hearing King might help make better plan.

FRANK: Ab…absolutely! See?!? Team building is all about communication! We listen to the king, we try to put ourselves in his shoes, try to see things from his point of- mmph!

NARRATOR: Yawana inserted a spoon into Frank’s open mouth as she walked by to head outside into the streets with all of the other locals. The group followed the flow of the crowd into a sprawling lower court area in front of the castle. The palace, known as “The Left Hand” by the locals, shone brightly in the midday sunlight. The trumpets sounded one last time before a pair of stained-glass doors began opening on a balcony above the crowd.

YAWANA: OOOH! I’m so excited!

ALRIC: You shouldn’t be. He’s not a very personable royal, unlike me.

NARRATOR: Before anyone could correct Alric, the king stepped out onto the balcony, held up a hand for silence, and began speaking.

KING JERRIMAN: Citizens of Auvendale, the crown today, as all days, works to protect you and ensure all her people thrive and grow. However, it has been brought to my attention that there are people, within these very walls, who are tirelessly working against these very goals.

NARRATOR: A murmur went through the crowd, but the king continued.

KING JERRIMAN: So, not only have our former friends and neighbors to the south moved against us to the point of having to send my men, your sons and fathers, to defend us, but now we also have to face evils working against us here in our very homeland!

MOG: King seem serious. And angry.

ALRIC: Oh, he is, Mog. But I’m betting he is just getting paranoid about possible spies, things like that.

YAWANA: Alric, do you think this will be an issue for us?

ALRIC: We’re not working against him directly, so it shouldn’t be.

KING JERRIMAN: It is for this very reason I ask- no, I implore, if anyone hears or sees any person or any group that seems suspicious, report them to the guard immediately.

NARRATOR: Everyone in the group turned their heads and looked at Frank, in his Ralph Lauren shirt, his Tom Ford tie, L.L. Bean trousers and Rockport custom casual dress shoes.

FRANK: What?

NARRATOR: As the crowds continued to cheer their king, Mog overturned an empty rain barrel and placed it over Frank. Our intrepid band of heroes then began sneaking Frank out of the courtyard as quickly as possible.

MOG: Must hide Frank. Frank Punyman look strange.

FRANK: Hey, this is not how teamwork-

ALRIC: You’re right, Mog. He sticks out like an orc toe in an elven sandal.

MOG: (growls)

ALRIC: No offense, but your feet are huge.

MOG: Point made.

YAWANA: So…Mog… I never noticed. Just how big are your feet?

TALANA: Now’s probably not the best time for that, Yawana.

YAWANA: Where are we going, anyways?

FRANK: I’m not completely certain, but I think I can see different shops out of the barrel hole.

ALRIC: We have to get him out of his world’s clothes and into something less conspicuous.

NARRATOR: Yawana linked arms with Frank after Mog pulled the barrel off of him.

YAWANA: You guys don’t know fashion. Also, I always get a discount here!

NARRATOR: Yawana dragged Frank into the nearest clothier while the rest of the group waited outside.

MOG: So.

ALRIC: So?

MOG: How come Yawana get discount here?

TALANA: (giggles) Oh, Mog… It’s best you don’t know.

MOG: No, really Talana, how she get-

ALRIC: Let it go, Mog. Just let it go.

NARRATOR: After a short wait, Yawana exits the clothier’s door alone.

YAWANA: Friends, may I present The Chosen One!

NARRATOR: There was a short pause before Yawana turned to the door and, opening it, began dragging Frank outside.

FRANK: Yawana, I can’t go out like this!

YAWANA: Come on! It’s not that bad! You’ll grow into it.

NARRATOR: As she thrust him into full view of the group, Frank lowered his head a bit. His helmet sat a bit wobbly on his head. Two leather straps crossed over his bare chest holding the weight of a short sword on his back. A thick belt with a few pouches held up a pair of slightly baggy pants. His feet were in leather boots that almost came up to his knees.

ALRIC: Gods, man. Has your body ever kissed the sun before today? I’ve known women whose skin wasn’t as bright as-

MOG: Frank Punyman at least have weapon. You have neck ribbon on helmet now?

TALANA: I never really noticed how shiny it was before.

MOG: What shiny, Talana? His ribbon?

TALANA: His skin.

YAWANA: The tailor inside said the ribbon was made of silk! Do you know how valuable it is? He paid for all this in silk and even got money back WITHOUT my discount!

FRANK: Yeah, that’s probably the only bright point in this stop.

ALRIC: I wouldn’t say only…

MOG: So, if keep ribbon, what else Frank have that made of silk?

FRANK: I had… spare silk. Enough to buy this and have a little left over.

NARRATOR: Frank patted his coin purse. Mog turned around slowly, instincts kicking in.

MOG: We not alone.

NARRATOR: As the others turned, they saw a group of guards approaching them, hands upon their weapons.

ALRIC: (lowered voice) Guys, let me handle this.

ALRIC: Greetings, men. I am Prince Alric Eggund. No need for the normal pleasantries, we were-

GUARD 1: Good. That should make things simple.

NARRATOR: With a motion from the sergeant, the other guards drew their weapons and surrounded them. As Alric held up his hands, the others did so in unison.

ALRIC: I want it noted that I do take offense to this form of discourtesy.

GUARD 1: You can note it to the king himself when you see him.

NARRATOR: Alric looked to Mog, who nodded. This was the plan all along, so the group were disarmed and marched back to the palace.Once inside the inner grounds, the scale of the palace was clearer. The tall walls and beautiful architecture was not lost even on Mog. The group made their way inside and were promptly escorted to the King’s throne room. After being lined up in front of the king, the guard addressed the king first.

GUARD 1: Your grace, we found four of the five seen sneaking from the courtyard. The fifth one wearing a barrel is still on the loose, but my men are searching every inch of the city until they are found.

KING JERRIMAN: And this one? With the silk ribbon?

GUARD 1: I found him with them. Looks harmless, but I did see him in the company of one of the women there.

ALRIC: (wsp) As well as most of the rest of the men in this city…

YAWANA: (wsp)You know it…

TALANA: (giggles)

FRANK: (wsp)Be serious!

KING JERRIMAN: Silence!

NARRATOR: King Jerriman looked the group over for a moment, then turned to his sergeant once more.

KING JERRIMAN: Continue your search, sergeant. I will deal with this group of troublemakers and find out who sent them.

NARRATOR: As the sergeant was showing his courtesies, the rest of the group turned to Frank.

MOG: This is Frank Punyman’s chance.

ALRIC: I’d say it’s more like his test.

YAWANA: No pressure, just don’t get us killed.

TALANA: You can do it, Frank.

NARRATOR: The king then turned his attentions back to the group.

KING JERRIMAN: Let me preface any words you may speak with this thought: I am beset with enemies to my south and spies and ne’er-do-wells within my own walls. My captains assail me with reports of rumors of treasonous acts. And on the day of my request of the people to assist, I get reports of this group leaving quickly in the company of a secretive hidden adversary.

NARRATOR: The king leaned forward and looked down upon the group.

KING JERRIMAN: No fool would run through a crowd of people wearing a barrel unless his identity were enough to damn the entire group. So tell me, who are you and why are you here in my city?

NARRATOR: Frank was nervous. He looked to his left and right, but all of his friend’s eyes were on him. Lowering his head, he knew he had to do and say something to get them out of this situation. He didn’t run them through team building exercises to not use those skills when it counted. Besides, if he were thrown into the dungeon, he would never get back in time to finish up the expense reports.Frank looked inward and called upon knowledge that might help him. It was then that he remembered his co-workers pressuring him into watching “Game of Thrones” so he could talk with them at the water cooler. He also owned all of the Lord of the Rings trilogy on Blu-ray.Taking two steps forward, he dropped to one knee, raised his eyes to meet the king’s eyes directly and said…

Well, what did Frank say? To be honest, I’m not entirely sure myself. Remember when I told you that you, the listener, would be “the steward of poor Frank’s fate”? Well, you are. What will Frank do next? You tell us. Please visit “LetsBeFrankThePodcast.Com” and click on the “What Would Frank Do?” button and, in five hundred characters or less, tell us what you think Frank should do next? Remember, you are the fates controlling Frank’s fate. Let’s try not to let him down.

Some of the music and sound effects in this podcast come from Tabletop Audio. If you running a game, the perfect background music and sound effects can be difficult to assemble. But, with Tabletop audio, you can play songs fitting your campaign and use sword clangs and magical bursts to set the mood for the adventure and take your game to the next level! For your next RPG game, visit tabletopaudio.com.

The rest of the music comes from Kevin MacLeod’s brilliant web site incompetech.com. If you’re looking for music for your podcast, Kevin has composed more than 2,000 royalty-free songs released under the creative commons license.So, when you need music, think incompetech.com, and tell him that Frank sent you. Oh, he doesn’t know Frank, Yawana just thought it would be funny.