It’s time, all-important listeners, for episode three! When last we left off, our brave band of heroes were face to face with the king himself! He has captured them and believes that they might have something to do with the nefarious activities he has heard so much about in his city. What will Frank say to get them out of this and save the kingdom of Auvendale?!?
“Twisting ” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License
All other music is from https://www.tabletopaudio.com/
Episode Three Script
SHONDOUR: It has been a long, long time since I have felt the sun upon my shoulders, the wind in my hair, and the dominion of man under my foot. The system put into place by the divine, as much as I hate it, has done an excellent job in keeping things… well, relatively intact. For ages, only two of us at a time would rule over this world, one to balance out the other. And it has worked, until now. Until me. You see, I had imagined one of several of my siblings would be chosen to balance me. Imagine my shock, my surprise, my utter glee, when the divine chose you.
ASHINORUNDOO: Shondour, it’s been a long time since both of our feet have tread the homeland together.
SHONDOUR: Since our childhood, yes? Back when father would skip us around time and space, giving us glimpses of what could be.
ASHINORUNDOO: What should be, brother. I remember you used to smile when you would come back from your trips with father.
SHONDOUR: Ah, Snorky, I feel that you and I were smiling for two completely different reasons.
ASHINORUNDOO: Snorky? (chuckles) Ah, yes, I remember. I used to get so upset when you called me that as a child.
SHONDOUR: Comparatively, Ashi, you are still a child.
SHONDOUR: No, no, not a child. A pet. I see you still wear your reminder that you were once leashed.
ASHINORUNDOO: I wear things which bring me joy, Shondour. It was father’s suggestion.
SHONDOUR: As was ALL of this… including the cycles of reign.
ASHINORUNDOO: Father was a wise man.
SHONDOUR: Father was a-
ASHINORUNDOO: I am many things, brother. I am kind. I am patient. To a degree, I am tolerant. However, speak ill of our father in my presence, and I will lose patience, I will shed that cloak of tolerance, and I will not be kind.
SHONDOUR: Do not worry, I have no intention of starting a fight with you up here. The aftermath would lessen the decorum of our great home. No, little Snorky, you and I will face off down there, on their world. And when we do, no degree of patience, tolerance, or kindness will stop me.
ASHINORUNDOO: I will not have to stop you, Shon. I have already set things into motion, the likes of which you can not comprehend, which will be more than enough to put a stop to anything you: plan to do to the people of the divine.
SHONDOUR: I have demons. I have necromancers. I have dragons! What, pray tell, do you have that could possibly oppose me? Legions of mortal men? Wave after wave of humanity crashing against my forces like the ocean upon the the rocks! What could you have that I could possibly fear?
ASHINORUNDOO: I have Frank.
NARRATOR: Welcome back to “Let’s Be Frank”, a storytelling podcast about an ordinary man that finds himself in extraordinary circumstances. It’s also a story where you, yes you, the all important listener, get the opportunity to be one of the fates that directs Frank’s actions and decisions. When last we left, our group of heroes were captured and taken before a very paranoid king who was ready to send all of them to his dungeons or worse! Frank, having a few seasons of “Game of Thrones” under his belt, as well as the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy extended cut, was ready to talk with the king. What will poor Frank do? An all-important listener named Orion1221 advised Frank of what he needed to do next. So, after bending the knee and looking up to meet the eyes of the king, Frank opened his mouth and said…
FRANK: I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its: swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend: the city of Auvendale; and I would have her loved for her memory, her ancientry, her beauty, and her present wisdom. Not feared, save as men may fear the dignity of a man, old and wise.
NARRATOR: The group of heroes looked back and forth to one another in astonishment. The room was quiet as King Jerriman pondered Frank’s response.
KING JERRIMAN: Wise words for one in your situation, but you have not answered my question. Unless you wish for the dungeon, I’ll only ask once more. Who are you, and why are you in my city?
FRANK: I’m Frank. These guys are my friends. And we’re here to save you.
KING JERRIMAN: Save me?!? Pray, tell me exactly how you intend on doing that?
FRANK: Well, I guess you could say we came to save you from yourself.
NARRATOR: Frank then stood to face the king directly.
FRANK: Now, in order to do that, there’s a few things I’ll need to know. Oh, and it’s okay to tell us everything. I mean, we can’t go or tell anyone unless you let us, right?
NARRATOR: The king studied Frank for a moment, then waved him to continue.
FRANK: Ok! Now, you mentioned in your speech you had people that were working against you inside the city, right?
KING JERRIMAN: Yes, those are the reports which have been brought to me.
FRANK: So, when you questioned the first one you caught, did they tell you anything?
NARRATOR: Alric’s eyebrow arched a bit as he listened to Frank.
KING JERRIMAN: Well, although we have reports of hearing of such deeds, we have not yet been able to bring one of them in to be questioned.
FRANK: So, you’re not really certain they’re here doing those things, right?
KING JERRIMAN: You DARE question the integrity of my men?!?
ALRIC: No, no, no, no, your grace. I think perhaps what Frank is asking is if we can trust the people that were talking when your men overheard them?
NARRATOR: The king studied the both of them intently.
FRANK: You see, if the people your men heard talking were not trustworthy, then the information can’t be trusted, either. Were they able to question the people they heard?
KING JERRIMAN: No, once the men heard the words, they would enter the area it was heard from and no one would be there.
NARRATOR: Frank thought hard for a moment, then seemed to have an idea.
FRANK: It may not have been the guards fault at all then.
NARRATOR: Preparing himself, Frank made ready to use the art ventriloquism.
FRANK: (throwing voice R) So if you hear a sound this way-
NARRATOR: The king turned his head to his right, but there was nothing but a candle there.
YAWANA: (throwing voice L) But you don’t see anyone-
NARRATOR: The king turned and, upon seeing no one to his left, stood pointing to the group.
KING JERRIMAN: What kind of sorcery is this?!?
TALANA: Your grace, I am a mage in training, and I can attest that there is no magic being used here.
NARRATOR: The king slowly sat watching the group closely.
MOG: How your voices leave your bodies?
YAWANA: It’s ventriloquism, Mog. It’s a skill that lets your voice sound like it is coming from somewhere it is not.
MOG: Like when boots talk to Mog when we at campfire and-
YAWANA: We’ll talk about that later~
TALANA: That was you?
YAWANA: It was funny!
ALRIC: Let’s stick to the topic at hand, ladies.
FRANK: So, you see, if only one person were going around town tossing their voice into dark corners, all of the guards would bring you reports but would not find anyone.
KING JERRIMAN: Why would anyone go through such lengths if there were no actual crime?
ALRIC: Your grace, almost all of your men are off to make war. The rest are running about the city chasing ghosts. Who are watching the walls and the horizon?
FRANK: Speaking of the army, you said that you were marching them south. Can I ask why? I mean, you said that they were moving against you, but how are they doing that?
NARRATOR: The king stood and began pacing in front of the thrones, his hands behind his back.
KING JERRIMAN: A patrol of my men saw a small group of southern soldiers massing supplies at the border. They relayed the supplies could be used for the construction of siege machines, defenses, or even a temporary fort to protect their men a nd supplies for a long venture.
ALRIC: How many men, sire?
KING JERRIMAN: Only fifty or so, but enough to start getting things ready. The men I had on patrol, about fifteen or so, relayed that the men of the south watched them intensely and even refused to conduct their business while they were within sight.
NARRATOR: Frank thought some more and walked a little to the left, seeing a great map hung upon the wall.
FRANK: So, that circle is here, correct?
KING JERRIMAN: Yes.
FRANK: And the road that takes you to the southern border is this one, right?
NARRATOR: Frank pointed and the king simply nodded. Mog walked over and nodded as well.
FRANK: What if they weren’t planning an invasion?
MOG: Doesn’t look like good invasion spot.
ALRIC: They’d have their backs against a rushing river right there.
YAWANA: The river noise would make it easy for others to sneak up on them.
TALANA: Your grace, I have to agree with my friends. This is almost certainly not an invasion.
KING JERRIMAN: My primary advisor assured me there could be no other reason for their gathering next to the river at our borders…
NARRATOR: Everyone in the room turned to look at Alric. Looking back up at the map, his eyes traced the long, winding road which followed the river through the southern kingdom’s lands to its city.
ALRIC: Perhaps… a bridge.
NARRATOR: Frank’s eyes immediately flew to the map.
FRANK: That’s it! There’s the answer! The people in the Leaky Stein were complaining about not having their normal things from the southern kingdom. You must traded with them a lot!
KING JERRIMAN: We did, quite a bit until-
FRANK: No, your grace, don’t you see? The absolute best way to destroy two great kingdoms is to have them destroy one another!
NARRATOR: Alric winced at the words as Yawana joined in as well.
YAWANA: So, if this kingdom and your friends to the south went to war, who would stand to profit the most?
FRANK: Not only that, but my having your armies march, you’re spending a lot of money that you can’t get back quickly. The men, the pay, the supplies, the armor and weapons, the food… I’d be willing to bet that the cost was more than you wanted.
KING JERRIMAN: War is expensive, that is why it is resorted to only when necessary.
MOG: So, army marches on men making bridge, upsets southern king. Southern king makes war with our king because of insult. Kings fight. One wins, but weaker for it. Then, shadow king steps out and takes everything.
NARRATOR: The king slumped into his chair.
ALRIC: Set us free, your grace. Send us with your mark and allow us to stop this war before it begins!
TALANA: And once it is done, we will set out to find the identity of the shadow king and his accomplices.
NARRATOR: The king eyed the group warily, then reached to his table next to the throne and tossed his signet to Frank.
KING JERRIMAN: Take this, and speak words for me. Tell the general there to return with all but two hundred of the men. Those two hundred are ordered to go and assist the bridge-builders with whatever they may need.
FRANK: Yes, your grace. And may the Force be with you.
NARRATOR: There was an awkward moment before Yawana grabbed Frank, smiled at the king, and the group headed out escorted by the two soldiers at the doors. With their weapons returned, they made their way to the stables to fetch their mounts.
YAWANA: Oh, my goddess, Frank! You were awesome!
TALANA: I knew you could do it, Frank.
MOG: Frank Punyman chosen one!
FRANK: Mog, if you keep telling people that’s my name, they’re going to start believing it.
ALRIC: Well, I for one don’t consider it a complete passing success. We did have to step in and assist you from time to time back there.
FRANK: And that’s what team building and team work is all about!
NARRATOR: As Alric motioned for the stableman to bring their horses, he watched Frank fumble with the signet in his possession.
ALRIC: Don’t lose that, or you’ll be getting another chance to test your “chosen one” skills with the general of the armies.
NARRATOR: As the group got their steeds ready and Mog was preparing to have Frank ride with him, the young stable boy brought out a large percheron horse out to the group. Alric looked up at the large beast which much larger than the other horses
ALRIC: You’ve made a mistake, boy. That isn’t our horse.
STABLE BOY: So, I take it you’re not Frank?
NARRATOR: Everyone turned and looked to Frank. He looked about, then slowly walked to the stable boy.
FRANK: That’s me. I’m Frank.
STABLE BOY: Then this horse it yours. Didn’t see who brought it in, but here she is. Whoe’er left it said it was for you. She’s a beauty!
NARRATOR: Frank approached the horse and looked up. The horse looked down upon him and began sniffing his pockets.
YAWANA: Bet she’s looking for a treat!
NARRATOR: Yawana removed a nugget of white from her belt and tossed it to Frank. He placed it in his hand and offered it to the horse, which immediately took it into its mouth and began crunching it. Frank managed to scale the horse using straps and a slight nudge from Mog. They immediately exited the city and pointed the steeds to the southern route, riding hard to try to catch an army with quite the head start. Three days of hard riding with little sleep brought them closer to the army they were attempting to catch.
YAWANA: So, how much longer before we catch the army?
MOG: From tracks they leave, they not far.
FRANK: Why does everything on me hurt?
TALANA: You’re not used to riding a horse. Your first experience riding alone is this, and it’s hard on all of us.
ALRIC: Well, I can tell you this. Do you see that ridge we’re about to crest? We’d better be able to see the army once we get to the top.
FRANK: Why’s that?
ALRIC: If we don’t, then they were too far ahead and we’ll be too late to stop a war.
NARRATOR: As the group topped the ridge, they saw the army preparing to leave the area. They had set up tents from the night before, but had not taken them down today. Alric saw the cavalry forming up in front of the ground troops, with archers bringing up their rear.
YAWANA: Alric, are they-
NARRATOR: Alric did not wait, surging forward attempting to catch the command group before they made it within view of the workers at the border. The others followed him down. The general and his entourage were alerted to the riders behind them, so the march was halted temporarily.The group rode to place themselves between the army and the border.
ALRIC: General, we must speak before you move against the men at the border.
GENERAL HOVAHN: You wear the standards of another kingdom. I have war to make by the will of my king.
FRANK: Gen…eral… I… I have…
NARRATOR: Frank, winded and tired, fell from his horse and onto the ground.
GENERAL HOVAHN: Who is this man?
YAWANA: He’s been sent to deliver a message to you from your king.
GENERAL HOVAHN: He would never have sent a frail-bodied man to deliver his words! The absurdity is enough to-
NARRATOR: The generals words stopped when he saw his king’s signet in Frank’s upturned hand. Slowly, Frank rose to his feet and looked up at the general.
GENERAL HOVAHN: Very well, messenger. Tell me, what words does the king entrust you to carry for him?
GENERAL HOVAHN: I?
FRANK: You shall not pass!
NARRATOR: There was a moment of nervous silence before he continued.
FRANK: It seems like we were bamboozled. There is no army marching on us. There are no treasonous spies within his walls…
TALANA: With exception of the one spreading false rumors and other lies.
ALRIC: There’s more, general.
FRANK: Right. He said to return with all the troops except for two hundred. He said to send them to the border to help their men with what they are working on.
GENERAL HOVAHN: And what are they working on?
NARRATOR: At this point, Mog returned from the direction of the border. Mog dismounted his horse and approached Alric.
FRANK: It’s okay; he’s with us.
MOG: Frank right. Men building bridge. Said will help trade.
NARRATOR: Frank then turned to the General, who seemed to make up his mind.
GENERAL HOVAHN: Captains! To me!
NARRATOR: As the other horses gathered round, the general began sharing his plans with the captains. The group of heroes gathered with Frank.
ALRIC: So, war averted. It still leaves us with more questions.
YAWANA: Which other bordering kingdom wanted this to happen? On the map in the throne room, there are three others bordering.
TALANA: And any of them would have the armed capabilities to attack once a war was over.
MOG: Which ones enemies?
ALRIC: None of them, unfortunately. We also need to find out who was going around town spreading rumors.
YAWANA: We have at least a week before the General can get the troops back.
TALANA: Because once they get back, the person in the shadows will know they lost and will probably quietly slip out of town.
MOG: So, have to find shadow king and shadow gossip spy.
YAWANA: Yeah, but which one first?
TALANA: If we catch the spy, then we may be able to get information on who hired them.
ALRIC: But if we waste too much time, like the guard already have, searching for an elusive shadow spy then it’s that much more time the shadow king has to plan and make his next move.
FRANK: Yeah, the two are not… mutually…. exclusive….
NARRATOR: Everyone looked to Frank as his hand slowly opened, dropping the signet. His eyes closed as he fell to his knees.
NARRATOR: Shocked, everyone rushed to Frank’s side.
ALRIC: Frank, what happened? What is wrong?
FRANK: I…my reports…
FRANK: They were due Monday. Ashinorundoo brought me here Friday evening. That was three days ago. Which means that this is Monday. Evening. I let them down…
NARRATOR: Everyone stood around Frank, not understanding his problem but being there to support him nonetheless. Frank’s horse nudged her way into the circle and looked down.
ASHINORUNDOO: It’s okay, Frank. My dominion does not end at dimensional ends, not even with time.
NARRATOR: Everyone looked to the talking horse except Mog, who immediately took to his knees.
FRANK: I have a talking horse!
MOG: Welcome back, my goddess.
NARRATOR: With a swirl of magic, Frank’s horse transformed into Ashinorundoo, complete with her pink ribbon which, by all appearances, had been hidden in her mane just earlier.
ASHINORUNDOO: When your journey here is over, you will return to your home as if not a moment has passed.
FRANK: Really? Whew.
ASHINORUNDOO: I have come back to see you again, Frank, at the next of your many crossroads. You have paths ou may tread, others more that have not even been considered.
FRANK: What do I do, Ashinorundoo?
ASHINORUNDOO: Just Ashi, please. You too, Mog. Now, Frank, I can’t tell you what to do. Look inside and listen to the voices of the fates! They call out to you, lending their experience and wisdom to you when you need it the most.
NARRATOR: Frank nodded, then closed his eyes. Sure, the theory seemed simple enough. Shadow spy or shadow king, or something else entirely? Digging deep, Frank focused his thoughts and searched deep, until he heard a tiny voice. Though it was small, it was strong, and unyielding. Frank opened his eyes and turned to face his friends.
FRANK: Okay, guys. I know just exactly what we have to do.
ALRIC: And that would be?
NARRATOR: Frank took a deep breath and said… Well, what did Frank say? To be honest, I’m not entirely sure myself. Remember when I told you that you, the all-important listener, would be the steward of poor Frank’s fate? Well, you really are! What will Frank do next? You tell us. Please visit “LetsBeFrankThePodcast.Com” and click on the “What Would Frank Do?” button and, in five hundred characters or less, tell us what you think Frank should do next? Remember, you are the fates controlling Frank’s fate. Let’s try not to let him down.
Some of the music and sound effects in this podcast come from Tabletop Audio. If you running a game, the perfect background music and sound effects can be difficult to assemble. But, with Tabletop audio, you can play songs fitting your campaign and use sword clangs and magical bursts to set the mood for the adventure and take your game to the next level! For your next RPG game, visit tabletopaudio.com.
The rest of the music comes from Kevin MacLeod’s brilliant web site incompetech.com. If you’re looking for music for your podcast, Kevin has composed more than 2,000 royalty-free songs released under the creative commons license.So, when you need music, think incompetech.com, and tell him that Frank sent you.